What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?

Sorry, it was a freak hic!



Why are football grounds odd?

Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!



What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?

A flat back four!



Why did the goal post get angry?

Because the bar was rattled!



What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?

Fiver side!



What part of a football ground is never the same?

The changing rooms!



What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?

Bring on their subs!