You might be a redneck if...


You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.


Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.


Your masseuse uses lard.


Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.


You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.


On stag night, you take a real deer.


Your back porch is bigger than your house.


There is more oil in your cap than in your car.


You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.


A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.