You might be a redneck if...


More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.


You think the stock market has a fence around it.


You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.


You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.


Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.


Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.


Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.


You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.


You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.


Your home has more miles on it than your car.