How to be politically correct with women


She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.


She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.


She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.


She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.


She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.


She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.


She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.


She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.


She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.


She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.


She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.


She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.


She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.


She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.


She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.


She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.


She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.


She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.


She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.


She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE