Customer Support Logs


Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:


Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"


Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."


Support: "What sort of trouble?"


Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",


Support: "Went away?"


Customer:"They disappeared."


Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"


Customer: "Nothing."


Support: "Nothing?"


Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."


Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"


Customer: "How do I tell?"


Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"


Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"


Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"


Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."


Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"


Customer: "What's a monitor?"


Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"


Customer: "I don't know."


Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"


Customer: ......"Yes, I think so."


Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."


Customer: ......"Yes, it is."


Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"


Customer: "No."


Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."


Customer: ......"Okay, here it is."


Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."


Customer: "I can't reach."


Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"


Customer: "No."


Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"


Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."


Support: "Dark?


Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."


Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."


Customer:"I can't."


Support: "No? Why not?"


Customer: "Because there's a power outage."


Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"


Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."


Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."


Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"


Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."


Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"


Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."






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