The following are actual phone calls made to I.R.S. offices across the United States.

---

Caller: I want to know if I should file married or single.


IRS: Are you married?


Caller: Well, sort of...


IRS: What?


Caller: Well, we did get married, but we're not counting on it.

---

Caller: I got a letter from you guys and I want to know what you want.


IRS: What does it say?


Caller: Just a minute, I'll open it.

---

Caller: I'm a bookkeeper and I need to know if ten $100 bills make a thousand dollars or only ten hundred dollars.


IRS: Both. It's the same amount.


Caller: So why do I get a different answer every time I move the decimal point?

---

Caller: What does the law say about people who are renting to relatives and taking a loss on the property?


IRS: You are required to charge them fair market value.


Caller: It's very fair. If we rented to someone else we could get a lot more.