Q: What is the definition of an accountant?


A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

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Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?


A. He talks about his business.

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Q: What is an extroverted accountant?


A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

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Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?


A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

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There are just three types of accountants:


Those who can count and those who can't.

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Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?


A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

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Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?


A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?


A: Depreciation.

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Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?


A: The accountant knows he is boring.

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Q: How was copper wire invented?


A: Two accountants were arguing over a penny.

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Q: What's an auditor?


A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?


A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

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Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant?


A: Someone who has a loophole named after him.

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Q: What's an extroverted accountant?


A: One who looks at your shoes while he's/she's talking to you instead of his/her own.

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Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.

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Q: What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room?


A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?


A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.

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Q: What's an actuary?


A: An accountant without the sense of humor.

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Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?


A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.

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Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?


A: Invite an accountant.

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Q: What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?


A: The difference between accounting theory and practice.